Chaos and heartbreak erupted in a McDonald’s parking lot this morning as local Ewing resident, Dan Smith, was horrified to discover that he had crossed the border into Trenton city limits by accident. During a routine morning trip to a McDonald’s located on Olden Avenue, Smith was shocked to have his smartphone inform him that his parking spot actually placed him within the technical border of Trenton. Thirty minutes later, police were able to successfully rescue the incredibly shaken and distraught, but alive, Smith away from his car and his harrowing ordeal with deadly inner-city life. “Well, technically, only the back part of the McDonald’s parking lot is in Trenton, so we were able to move him up to the drive-in window and into safety”, Lt. Ryan Moore told reporters. At press time, in between mournful bites of a McMuffin, sheltered local man Smith went on to describe his experience away from the safety of suburban life as “unnerving but eye-opening”.
far down to paradise, august 2012